Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think your dad took our porno
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
