in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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