More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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