I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
