Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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