I need to stop coming to work sober
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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