You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
