Will you blow on my dice?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
