Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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