i just wanna soil my oats bro
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can text with my tongue
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
