i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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