It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
