i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
