i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
