me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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