the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
