Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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