i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
