I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
