we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
