Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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