I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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