i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
