It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
