Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
