i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
