end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
