I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
