I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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