Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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