She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
