You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
