Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
