so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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