Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
