just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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