I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
