It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
