Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
