it wasn't lemon gatorade
everyone is single if you try hard enough
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
