I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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