Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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