well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You don't make any sense
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