If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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