i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
