i permit you to call me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
