just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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