i jhust puked up my retainher.
her vagine was all disorganized.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
