I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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