i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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