Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
