i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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