it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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