"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it glows. i had to have it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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